Mad Money
Mad Money is episode twenty-one of the first season of Full House. It originally aired on April 29, 1988. Synopsis In the living room, Stephanie profiles Michelle as part of her "show-and-tell". Joey enters the house saying that he loves everyone. He also has some really good news: his mother has found an old $5,000 savings bond in her safety deposit box, and the savings bond has his name on it. When he receives the money, he starts spending it on the family. D.J. gets concert tickets, Stephanie a new bicycle, and Michelle a new toy lawnmower. While Stephanie's trying out her new bike (see Quotes), Jesse and Danny are anxious to know what gifts they will get. Jesse's hoping for a new motorcycle, while Danny already knows what he'll get from Joey: $800 in cash. He explains that he's trying to collect an 11-year-old debt from Joey: on March 12, 1977, in Palm Springs, Joey's car broke down yet again, and Danny lent Joey his last $800 (in cash) to get the car fixed, and now that Joey has come into enough money, Danny asks Joey to fork over $800 of it in order to cover the debt, leading to a feud between Danny and Joey. Jesse points out Danny should get the money while he still can, but Danny says he doesn't want it (see Quotes). Back in the living room, D.J. is curious about Jesse's blue gym bag. So much so, she tricks Michelle by dropping a cookie into the bag and having her find it, to which both girls are caught (see Quotes). Then, Joey does indeed have presents for Jesse and Danny as well: They each get a lifetime pass to the Great American Amusement Park. He then reveals to Danny that he bought a 1964 Gumby & Pokey pinball machine for $1,275 of the $5,000 he has. Danny, as usual, is still not happy that Joey doesn't know how to use his money wisely. He asks Joey to invest that $800 in cash. And Joey says he will invest it... in getting Danny off his back! Jesse is working as an to make extra money so that he and the Rippers can record a demo, but he does not want the family to know. Of course, they do eventually find out (see Quotes). And when Joey sees Jesse in his Elvis jumpsuit, he laughs his head off. That night, the family goes out to see the show, which opens with a impersonator, followed by Jesse's Elvis act. Afterwards, the girls do their own Elvis impersonations the minute they get home (see Quotes). As usual, the fight over who deserves Joey's cash continues... until Jesse and Marilyn enter the house. Jesse gives them the good news that he will keep the Elvis gig for as long as he wants. Everyone congratulates him, including Marilyn (see Quotes). The next day, Joey tries to make a ham and cheese sandwich, but Danny does not think that he is making one maturely, and literally has to teach him (see Quotes). In any event, he makes two sandwiches: one for him and one for Joey. Joey insists that Danny is the most predictable person he has ever met. He knows what Danny's going to do before he does it. Of course, what he did not predict was Danny calling him out for still watching cartoons at the tender age of 30, despite the fact that that is what led to him being a comedian in the first place. And of course, Joey is still scared to take back the money. Danny calls him for being such a baby, and Joey digs into his "comeback bag" again by imitating (see Quotes). And so they decide to settle this dispute just like when they were kids back on June 22, 1979, and arm-wrestle; loser keeps the cash. But before they can do so, Jesse still isn't sure he should take the gig, and they decide he should do it for both money and fun. Danny and Joey reminisce about their friendship and realize that it is their differences that keep them together. Joey realizes Danny was there for the money, and Danny realizes Joey was there to help raise the girls. And in the end, the situation between Danny and Joey is also resolved as well. Joey asks Danny to take the money, and Danny does. Danny takes it a step further and decides to use that $800 in cold hard cash to get Joey a closet organizer and a savings bond of his own. Joey disagrees with that, but Danny says that it is his money now and he can do whatever he wants to do with it. Quotes enters the front door. Jesse: Hi, guys. to leave Bye, guys. Danny: Wait a minute. Jess, for the past five days, you've been sneaking in and out of this house carrying that blue bag, with not one word of explanation. D.J.: Uncle Jesse, it's driving me crazy. Just answer one question. Where do you go with that blue bag? Jesse: Out. Stephanie: Out where? Jesse: Outside. And that's two questions. Goodbye. as he's about to leave again, in comes... Joey: Hello! I love everyone. to each one I love you Jesse and you Danny and you D.J. and you Michelle and you Stephanie. Jesse: mimicking 'I love you and you and you.' What's the matter with you?! Joey: Nothing. I got a call from my mom this morning. She found an old savings bond of mine in her safe deposit box. And I now have 5,000 Founding Fathers Washington's, a.k.a. $1 bills. Yes! Jesse & D.J.: All right! Danny: Great! Joey: Yeah! Presents for everybody. ---- the kitchen, Stephanie is riding her new bike non-stop. Joey: Come on, we'll try it out in the backyard. Stephanie: I can't stop, open the door. [He does, and she safely goes outside, because she almost hits the staircase on her way out. In any case, she is able to safely make it outside, as Joey closes the door.] Joey: Okay, guys, don't go away. You got presents coming too. Jesse: All right! Thank you. I'm through with that. Thanks. Man, I hope Joey gets me a new motorcycle. That would be cool. Danny: I already know what Joey's getting me. Jesse: What's that? Danny: Eight hundred dollars in cash. Jesse: Whoa, nice chunk of change. Why? Danny: Well, 11 years ago, I loaned Joey $800 to fix his car. But he hasn't had the money to pay me back until now. Jesse: Better get it fast. Danny: I don't want Joey's money. The fact that he's finally paying me back is such a beautiful and touching gesture. That's why I'm gonna give the $800 right back to him. Jesse: That's the most generous, stupid thing I've heard in my life. ---- the living room... D.J.: I don't care what's in the bag. No! I shouldn't do it, should I, Michelle? What if...? Look, Michelle. I've got a cookie. Yeah, you want the cookie? They're yummy. Want some cookie? Yeah. Come get the yummy cookie. drops it in the bag. The cookie accidentally jumped into the bag. Go find it! Unzip the bag, Michelle. Let's see what's in there. Never mind the cookie. Get the zipper open. Let's see what Uncle Jesse's hiding in there. the cookie is found. You found it! Jesse: both girls on the spot May I help you? D.J.: She did it. Jesse: Shame on you, Michelle. You don't wanna grow up and be a nosy busybody at D.J., do you? Your punishment is to give me one kiss. Come on, one kiss. D.J.: Thanks for trying, Michelle. ---- his room, behind the closed door, looking at the Elvis poster on it... Jesse: Elvis impersonator mode Thank you. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. You're a beautiful audience. D.J.: on the door Uncle Jesse. Jesse: voice Hold your horses, mama. voice I mean, hold on. rushes to his closet to grab his robe and puts it on over the jumpsuit. Stephanie: I've got something to tell you. Jesse: Hold on, please. Please, hold on. ... Come in. Stephanie: entering Wanna come see me do my what he's wearing show-and-tell? Jesse: Girls, I'm very busy. May I help you? Danny: Jesse, can I talk to you about--? [He sees how he's dressed] ... Jesse? Jesse: Yes? Danny: What's under your robe? Jesse: Daniel, you're entitled to know a lot of things about my life, but what a man has under his robe is his own business. pulls open the robe Don't be cruel. Danny: You're right. What a man has under his robe is none of my business. D.J.: This is so cool! I should have looked in that bag sooner. Jesse: All right. Danny Sit down. I'm doing this tribute to the King. The show is called "Rock & Roll Heaven." I'm trying to save up money. I got some new songs. I wanna make demos. It's only for a week. I'm doing it tonight and that's the last night. ---- family comes home from Jesse's Elvis gig. Danny: Girls, wasn't your Uncle Jesse great? and D.J. enter and do their own Elvis impersonations, singing "Heartbreak Hotel". D.J.: Thank you, thank you very much. You're a beautiful audience the sneer. Danny: Okay, it's time for all junior 'Elvi' to say 'goodnight'. D.J. & Stephanie: they head upstairs to get ready for bed... Thank you. You're a beautiful audience. Thank you very much. D.J.: Elvis has left the living room. ---- enters with "Marilyn Monroe". Jesse: Guys, I'd like you to meet, uh... I'm sorry. I didn't catch your real name. What is it? Marilyn: Marilyn. Jesse: There's a coincidence for ya. Marilyn, this is Larry; this is Moe; and the little one's Curly (see Trivia). kisses her hand Get this, the show offered the job as Elvis for as long as I want, or until I dislocate my hips Elvis jive. ---- Joey: Marilyn By the way, I loved your work in . Marilyn: I'm terribly sorry, but I've got to go now. Jesse: Thank you for stopping by, Marilyn. Marilyn: Hey, are you going to call me? Jesse: Yes, Marilyn. Marilyn: Okay. It's in the book... under M-O-N-R-O-E [gives him a kiss on the lips before exiting]. Jesse: shook up" That's M-R-N-O-E-O-E? ---- [In the kitchen, Joey is trying to make a sandwich, but Danny just wants him to take the dough!] Joey: Will you stop bothering me? I am trying to make a sandwich. I need a knife. Knife. Knife. finds the one he was just using in the sink water, gets it out, and wipes it on his pants! Danny: Joey, allow me to demonstrate how a mature adult constructs a sandwich. Joey: Okay. Go for it, Mr. 'Adult'. Danny: First, my friend, we start with a clean knife. takes one out. We take two slices of bread. On the left slice, mayonnaise. Mmm. On the right slice, mustard. Joey: I'll bet you'll get another knife. Danny: Have to. Another clean knife. does just that. And then the mustard, we paint it on. Now it's time for the ham and cheese. And we alternate ham... cheese... ham... cheese. So that in every bite, we have an equal amount of ham and cheese. Joey: You don't need therapy, do you? Danny: Is that supposed to be funny? Joey: I knew you'd say that. Danny: 'I knew you'd say that'? What is that supposed to mean? Joey: It means that you are the most predictable person on the face of this earth. I know everything you're gonna say even before you say it. Both: Oh, do you? Joey: See? You are so 'paint-by-the-numbers' that even if the slightest little thing falls out of place, you can't handle it. Both: That's not true. ---- go down to Joey's room to settle the dispute this episode's all about. Danny: Joey. angrily tosses the $800 his way... Take this. for Joey to purposely dodge it. You are such a baby. Joey: Pee-wee Herman I know you are, but what am I? Danny: Okay. Let's settle this like we used to in the old days. Both: Arm wrestling. Joey: See? I know everything you're gonna say. Danny: Fine. Whoever loses has to keep the $800. Joey: Sounds fair to me. Okay. One, two, three. Danny: One, two, three. Joey: I can't remember the last time we did this. Danny: June 22, 1979. Joey: Why do you remember all this stuff? Danny: I don't want the money back. Stop it, I've had it with you. I don't want it. Jesse comes down and puts a stop to their "catch the cash" game. Jesse: Guys... guys... Hold it! There's something a little more important than what you're arguing about... Me. Fellas, I'm confused. I don't know whether or not to take this Elvis gig or not. I think I should probably concentrate on my own music; don't you? Danny: I think you should take the job. You need the money for your demo tape. Joey: Jess, the only reason you should listen to him is if you lost a mitten when you were 4. As for the job, hey, I saw you out there tonight. You were singing songs that you love, just having a blast. That's why you should do it, for fun. Trivia *Between taping the previous episode and this episode, John Stamos had cut his hair short; he would wear a mullet wig for the final two episodes of the season and into the season two premiere *The audience elicits an "Eww!" when Joey puts the used knife into the mayonnaise jar *The first episode to deal with money management *Jesse introduces Danny as Larry, Joey as Moe, and Michelle as Curly – as in (see Quotes) *The songs that Jesse sings as an Elvis impersonator are: **" " **" " **" " Category:Episodes Category:Season 1